Today is a big birthday for Denise. I am at a loss for words in trying to find a way to celebrate this on paper. During our 37 years of marriage, this year would have to be the most challenging one for her. She had to face (and must continue to consider) the possibility of being widowed. She has been at my side during my 2-week hospitalization at Peace Health and was at my side, almost every day, during my 2-week + hospitalization at the University of Washington. She suspended her career and came and lived with me in Seattle for over two months during my out-patient treatments.
Neither of us have ever fully understood the depth of love and commitment as we have this year. I would have to say, I would not be here now if it were not for her. Even if her care wasn’t what kept me alive, her presence in my life is what kept me from wanting to take my own life when my days were so miserable.
I carry guilt for what my disease has done to her. I would never have wanted our marriage to go though something like this as I’ve always wanted to be a “blessing” to her, rather than a curse. But it is what it is and there is nothing we can do about that.
I pray that this year of her life will end up, somehow, being her best.