J. Michael Jones

This is a totally fictional account (not my story), think of it as a poem, written as a phone dialog, although I don’t write poetry.

Deborah: Good morning Patricia.

Patricia: Good morning, how are you?

Deborah: I’ve been better.

Patricia: So, what’s up?

Deborah: Well, I told you I was having back pain a few weeks ago . . .

Patricia: I know what you mean. I hurt my back last summer and I was frustrating, limiting me for the whole summer, did you know . . .

Deborah: (Interrupting) . . . I have something to tell you! As I was saying, I told you a few weeks ago I was having back pain. I went to my doctor and he told me that I should go back to my oncologist.

Patricia: That makes no sense. God cured your breast cancer two years ago. Why would you go back to see him?

Deborah: Listen. My doctor was concerned that my new back pain was related to my breast cancer. So, I went back to see him. He ordered a bone scan. I got a call from my oncologist this morning and he said that it was worst than he imagined. I have cancer all over my bones.

Patricia: Well, I think you may be over-reacting. What did he really say?

Deborah: He said, literally, “I looked at your bone scan, it is much worse than I imagined. Your cancer is back and is all throughout your bones. It looks very grave.”

Patricia: Well, I’m a woman of prayer and faith. I believe God will heal you.

Deborah: I was in severe pain all night and did not sleep at all. I prayed for the entire night. I had total confidence and faith that God had healed me of this cancer and that my scan would be good.

Patricia: We serve a powerful God. He is awesome. Nothing is bigger than He is. I believe in a big God.

Deborah: I was in severe pain all night. I prayed my heart out.

Patricia: I’m very close to God and can sense His presence. I also sense that you are not as close to God as you used to be and maybe you started doubting Him when you had breast cancer.

Deborah: I was in terrible pain for the entire night. I prayed constantly, begging God for His mercy. I had to change my pillowcase this morning because it was soaked in my tears. I had total confidence that God would give me a good bone scan. The doctor said it was worse than he had imagined and is grave.

Patricia: I think your heart has turned bitter and I sense a lot of hate within you and maybe that’s how you responded to your breast cancer.

Deborah: I was profoundly grateful when my breast cancer seemed to have been cured. I love God. I love my family and friends. I hate cancer. I hate my pain, which was unbearable and kept me awake for the whole night.

Patricia: God is so good. I know His goodness and I sense that you don’t.

Deborah: I’ve never doubted God’s goodness. My pain is unbearable and kept me awake for the entire night. My news this morning was bad. That’s all I’m saying.

Patricia: Well, I’ve said all I know to say, and I don’t think you’re listening. Cindy Brown and I have a tennis court reserved this morning and I got to go. If I don’t warm up, I could pull a muscle and ruin my summer again and I don’t want that. Cindy is a lovely lady and loves the Lord dearly. She knows a lot of scripture and we memorize verses together each week. She always is so positive. She still plays tennis each week despite her gluten intolerance. I enjoy being around her so much. I will keep praying for you, that God will soften your heart, cleanse you of bitterness, and help you learn to trust Him again and for you to see how powerful and good He really is.

Deborah: I have severe pain in my back, hip, and legs. It kept me awake for the whole night. I prayed for the entire night, begging God for mercy. This morning the news was grave.

Patricia: (praying over the phone) “Dear Lord, help Deborah see your love and goodness. In this moment of her doubting You, open her eyes to trust You once again.” I’ve gotta go. Bye.