I will be clear once more, I think the institutional church can be wonderful and those who love it just the way it is, have my full support. I’ve said many times that I’m involved with a very good church but I don’t like all parts of the American church culture. However, the impetus for many leaving Christianity is that they are given a choice, love the church culture the way it is, or leave Christianity altogether. I find that regrettable.

In high school, I had two heroes. Jerry West (basketball player) and Socrates. I loved Socrates because (according to Plato) he valued the pursuit of truth above cultural mandates and he paid the ultimate price for this. To dare question the culture, is risky. To question a religious culture is perilous. For me to even suggest that (which is obvious to most secular people) the institutional church is a human creation, including the structure and the Sunday morning worship service, makes me a lighting rod for anger from religious people. It is for the sake of those leaving Christianity, I must take this risk and write about this. I will write more in the next post, but here, I want to illustrate the problem.

A Conversation With Ben

Mother: Ben, get out of bed, we are going to be late for church!

Ben: I’m not going.

Mother: Are you sick?

Ben: No. I’ve just decided I’m not going to church anymore. I hate going to church.

Mother: What are you talking about? You’ve always loved church.

Ben: No, I’ve always pretended to like church because I knew that’s what you and dad wanted me to do. But I hate going and I’ve decided I am done with it.

Mother: Ben, what’s happening with you? Is it your friends?… I wish your dad was here but he had to go early as he is part of the service. He would say as long as you live under this roof, you are going to church.

Ben: Why would you force me to do something I hate to do?

Mother: Ben, its not about you, it is about worshipping God. Don’t you believe in God anymore.

Ben: This is not about me believing or not believing in God, it is about me sitting on hard pews, listening to the same sermons over and over, and listening to music that I hate and pretending to be better than I am.

Mother: This sounds selfish to me. Christians have the obligation to worship God and going to church. The pastor’s sermons are really good. Every good Christian knows this.

Ben: Where does the Bible say we must go to church? After eighteen years of sermons, I think I’ve heard them all no matter how good they are. I’ve seen you and dad sleeping during the sermon. If I must go to church in order to be a Christian, I’m not sure I want to be one.

Mother: You know what the Bible says, in the Ten Commandments it orders us to keep the sabbath holy and in the New Testament it says to meet together. We are commanded to go to church and worship God. This is God’s church.

Ben: I thought we were commanded to love others as ourselves. Regarding the Ten Commandments, the sabbath was Saturday, and secondly, I remember in the Old Testament God telling Saul that obedience was better than worship and in the New Testament Christians were told that giving your bodies, or lives as living sacrifices is pure worship, not a ritual in a church. So, it sounds like you don’t know what the Bible says.

Mother: You aren’t making any sense. Everyone knows that Sunday worship is essential for the Christian life. I love going to church, because I love God. And I don’t understand how you can say you hate the music. Jim is a gifted musician and has a wonderful music presentation every Sunday. I think what you mean is that you hate God.

Ben: Mom, I know Jim is gifted, I’m sure all the music people are good, but it is the style of music I hate. I hate church music. I hate hymns. I hate us trying to sign along. I love hip-hop and rap. Why don’t you like my music?

Mother: What you listen to isn’t music, it’s noise. If you loved God, you would love church music.

Ben: So the problem is that I don’t love God? Mom, who is God? I asked in Sunday school and youth group how do we know God exist? I was scolded. “We know God exist in our hearts,” was the only answer I was ever given. Uncle Robert knew with confidence that he was Napoleon in his heart. I asked why is there suffering if there is good God, and I was told that question proved I wasn’t a good Christian. In Mr. Sharpley’s science class at school, he welcomes hard questions, and often he has real answers, but in church, if you ask a hard question, it is proof that you’re immoral and I hate that… And Hip-hop is about real life, church music is about angels, heaven, and religious stuff.

Mother: You don’t need a reason for believing in God. There is no rationale in believing in God. Christianity is about faith. You just believe and you know that God is there. Your uncle Robert is mentally ill. You know that… I don’t know where we went wrong. We raised you to love God and now you sound like an atheist. Are you? You must be if you are leaving the church. Your grandmother would be heart broken. Your grandfather will be so disappointed in you.

Ben: I’m tired of pretending, just so you won’t be disappointed in me. I’m tired of just trying to win your approval. I’m sick of the hypocrisy. You guys talk so much about being prolife, but you don’t give a damn about the genocide in Gaza, the suffering of immigrants, the homeless, the poor. I thought we were to love all people. Pastor Kenny taught our teen sexual purity class at the very same time he was sleeping with Cloe and he was thirty and married, and she was in high school. I also heard what Dad mumbled at dinner a few weeks ago, after I told you Brea, Ava’s trans brother had killed himself. Dad said, “Good riddance.”

Mother: Oh, Ben. You dad also said after that, “That wasn’t nice for me to say.” The church fired Pastor Kenny too. You are the one who is critical and judgmental. We aren’t perfect people, just forgiven. That’s why we love Jesus so much and why you should too.

Ben: I guess I’m just a very bad person. What choice do I have but to leave the church and, like you say, if that means leaving God, I guess I have no choice.

Respectfully,

Mike