Waiting for chemo this morning, I thought I would quickly write an article about finding God in mathematics. Not being clear-headed and having newbies ask me how I got to this point, I found myself rehashing my entire story for the umpteenth time. When I read it later, as I am now, it sounds like I am airing grievances. I am sorry I brought up my distant past and the encounter with someone at my present church when I tried to teach some classes on faith and science.

To borrow a term from Tennessee, I ask myself, “Do I have a chip on my shoulder?” I don’t feel bitter towards the people who have attacked me over the years, and there are plenty of them. But I do feel frustrated as I watch so many people leave the church for good, and I feel helpless to change the minds of the established church, the people the leavers are rejecting. I feel frustrated that neither I nor my like-minded people feel welcomed in the spiritual life of the church, where we are encouraged to share our own ideas. I’ve tried many times over the past twenty years.

Most of my evangelical friends have defriended me and have made my views a moral problem. I am not an genuine Christian because I go to a church pastored by a woman, because I don’t hate gay people, becaue I don’t believe in a six-thousand-year-old Earth, and because I think nature, and the study of it by science, is a wonderful thing. I don’t see our differences as a moral problem. I don’t see them as bad people or stupid, but I do think the culture is off the rails.

I certainly don’t see people in my present church as somehow morally inferior. I measure people’s Christian faith the same way Jesus did, by how they love others and treat the least of these, not by their viewpoints. Based on that scale, most of the people at my church are far better than I am. They are good people.

I’m glad I started this discussion about what we can learn from God via mathematics, but I’m sorry I brought up the negative again, and I’m trying not to do that. If I can figure out how, I should create an article about how I got to this point and include a link to it, so I don’t feel obligated to respond to new people when they inquire about my journey.

Mike