Okay, my manuscript (after 10 months of writing) is off the editor so I have time to write other things … and be silly. Now, my humor can cause some people to cringe as it is a bit edgy and odd. But, having an incurable cancer myself, gives me the license to make fun of the situation in a light-hearted manner. Please don’t be offended. I just hope those with other illnesses can relate … and laugh at tragedy.
PET Scan Tech: Mr. Newton, your doctor has order this PET scan because she thinks your cancer may have spread. Speaking of which, have you ever had the new pimento cheese that they have at Costco? I love it! It is so creamy. They sell it in gallon tubs and it goes on anything, toast, bread, crackers. Buy some sweetie and I guarantee it will change your life. It will be the only thing you think about.
Doctor: So yes Helen, I will need to chop of both your breast, completely. Then I will dig out all the lymph nodes under your arms … so your forearms might then swell up like Popeye’s … on, and the follow up chemo will make you completely bald … except for a small mustache and chin whiskers cased by the testosterone you will take to suppress the cancer … but Helen, you’ll still be a woman … just that no one will believe it.
Woman 1 (yellow shirt): Hey girlfriend, look at you. You look amazing! I can’t believe how much weight you’ve lost … how much was it?
Woman 2: Uh, sixty pounds in all.
Woman 1: I want to know your secret, cause girl, I wanna try it.
Woman 2: Uh, well it was from stage four —
Woman 1: “Stage four!” Does that mean its from Hollywood? From the theater? You know like “South Beach” was from Miami’s South Beach.
Woman 2: Uh, no … I was saying, it was from having stage four COLON CANCER.
J. Michael Jones 