If you’re 100% certain that God exists and that certainty defines you, this next series of articles isn’t for you. But if you honestly have questions, sometimes doubts, or wake up in the middle of the night with the question, “Is there really a God?”, then come along for a frank discussion.

For twenty years (at least, as I’ve lost count), I’ve been writing for people who are disillusioned with Christianity and have left or are leaving. I’ve approached this from a variety of angles, and now I want to take a different one.

In 1990, while serving as a missionary in the Muslim world, I had an epiphany. Several things led to that moment, and I’ve shared them before, but I realized that our whole group and I were very dishonest. We were factually dishonest, saying things we knew were untrue, and emotionally dishonest, out of touch with our own motives. Suddenly, I realized my entire Christian experience was based on lies. My Christian world collapsed at that moment.

I pledged to God then, if there is a God, that I would pursue the truth at all costs. If it led me to the certainty that no God existed, I would accept that. However, I reasoned then that if there is a God, that God would be found in profound honesty and factual truth, not in our imaginations and self-deceit.

Over the years, I’ve shared much of that journey, so I will not repeat that story here. I will say that I found myself in agnosticism (which is one of the most honest places) and then toying with atheism until my studies made atheism difficult. Long story short, I rediscovered the historical Jesus of Galilee, not the one we made up, and returned to Christianity. However, despite my efforts, I couldn’t find a welcoming place in the organized church unless I hid my honest thoughts and pretended to be something that I’m not, a religious Christian who has certainty.

If this were a normal world, say, imagine an alien coming to Earth for the first time with none of our culture; discussing whether there is a God would be easy. It would be like sitting next to someone at a fast-food restaurant and asking whether they believed Seattle would get an NBA team again. A neutral conversation about something uncontroversial. But what if you sat beside that same person and asked, “Do you believe in God?”

If they were a religious person, they would likely tell you about their faith and why it is superior, and yet feel guarded toward you for bringing up the topic. Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? If the stranger at the table wasn’t religious, they would likely get angry, get up, and leave. Why? Because they know from experience that you are getting ready to condemn them in order to persuade them to be part of your religion. Guilt manipulation.

So the most important question of our existence is whether God exists and whether there is something beyond the grave. However, we can’t discuss that honestly because religion has ruined it. Religion hijacked this honest discussion and turned it into a business, not always for money, but for the currency of piety. Who has the right God? Who has the right doctrines? Who is the most spiritual? Very competitive.

I, like most people who have left or are leaving the church, have experienced many attacks by religious people, always with the goal of proving that they are more spiritual, thus more moral than I am. I hate that part of religion. I adore people in both the conservative and progressive churches, but I am tired of the attacks.

I want to discuss whether God exists, very honestly. I will start by looking at the psychology religion uses in its business of competitive piety. Most religions (not just Christianity) make the belief in God (or in their concepts of spirituality) a moral problem if you do not agree with them.

Now, back to my previous example: imagine that whether you believe Seattle is getting another NBA team is a moral issue. So if you believe they are, and the other person believes that’s immoral, the conversation quickly devolves into a debate over who is morally superior. Then it is no longer about the truth.

I want to make some bold statements and then pick up on these thoughts. I will warn you that I may not be able to get back for a week.

1. Religious people are taught to believe that it is so obvious that God (their version of God) exists that you have to either be very stupid or a very bad person not to believe that God exists.
2. Christianity (and some other religions) base the certainty of God’s existence upon subjective feelings. “I know God exists because I feel Him in my heart or He speaks to me every day.” If you doubt this kind of emotional certainty, their system treats it as proof that you are either stupid or a very bad person. They use the term “spiritual” to imply this feeling is supernatural, and therefore their certainty is confirmed.
3. When Christian people (often teens or people in their twenties) have honest doubts about God’s existence, it is proof that they have a spiritual or moral problem. Both the conservative and progressive churches do the same, as both are in the business of competitive piety.

I will pick up on these thoughts when I return. I’ll leave with the thought of what it would be like if we flipped it and considered those with doubts about God’s existence the smartest and most spiritual people in our churches. Just as a mental exercise. I know when my kids were teens and told me they doubted God existed, I was thrilled because it meant they were giving God serious thought, not just going through the emotions of what they thought we wanted to hear.

Mike